New directions for kernel development

Hi all,

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about where Linux development should
head now that 2.4 is out. Specifically, I've been thinking about how we ought to make some cultural changes as well as technical changes. Now I'm not *entirely* sure what directions we should head in as we move towards 3.0, but I'd like to point out a few areas that need to be addressed as well as propose some possible solutions. Nothing is set in stone yet, but these are definitely issues we need to work on.

First off, I don't like a lot of the elitism that does on among Linux
hackers. Just because you can tell what the following script does without executing it, doesn't mean that you're some kind of god.

#! /usr/bin/perl
@k = unpack "a"x5,'x_,d@';@o = unpack "a"x19,'Q8>tUxLm\@`Y%N@cIq]'; while ($i<19){print chr((ord($o[$i])-ord($k[$i++%5])+91)%91+32);}

Learning to hack Un*x is an impressive accomplishment, but it's closer kin
to solving a Rubik’s cube than scaling Everest. If you think using Un*x makes you some kind of super genius who should be feared by mere mortals and end users, either get over it or start using *BSD. *BSD users (and developers) are all complete jackasses, so you'll fit right in.

Secondly, I'd like to address the issue of cleanliness. Quite frankly, the
standards of personal hygiene practiced by many members of this community are simply unacceptable. As you all know, I am a fairly clean cut, well-kempt person (I know, I have a bit of a gut, but compared to Maddog, Nick Petreley or ESR, I'm a modern Adonis.), and in the Linux community that is something of an anomaly. Virtually all users of Linux (and all other forms of Un*x) are unkempt, longhaired, beast-bearded dirty GNU hippies, and I am sick and tired of having to deal with them.

The person I have the greatest problem with is that (in)famous communist
RMS. Now, RMS may have been responsible for GNU, the GPL, GCC and many other contributions to the computing community, but his stance, as well as stench, displayed in his essays and actions, nauseates me. I mean, with that filth-ridden beard of his, where does he have room to demand that people refer to Linux as GNU / Linux? When he is as clean-shaven as I, he may claim that right, but until then, he should go back to playing his little flute and dropping acid like there’s no tomorrow. Honestly, if he doesn’t shut his mouth and go back to reading Marx, I’m going to shut it for him. I am sorry to sound so harsh, but a little hygiene every once in a while is a Good Thing(TM). Makes me wish I'd gone with a closed source license back in the day.

Next in line of dirty scuzz-balls I have to deal with, and probably the
worst thorn in my side, is Alan Cox, the primary coder of my kernel's TCP/IP stack (ha, what a joke!) and all around dirty GNU hippy. Alan views toothpaste the same way a vampire views garlic. The man's wife (who I spent a few years with at the University of Helsinki) often calls me crying in the middle of the night to complain of the rank, unbearable stench the man exudes after sex. On several occasions at trade shows, exhibitions and beer bashes, I have nearly fainted from the torrent of rotten odor that pours from every inch of his toxic person. Along with the typical GNU hygiene (mis)habits he practices, he also bitches and whines about... well, everything. He lies a lot too; evidence for this can be seen in the fact he almost always wears cheap black sunglasses when talking to people he knows are better than him (such as myself).

And then we come to ESR. I won't reiterate the sewer-dweller like cleansing
habits he practices as well, but I would like to focus on his general lifestyle. I like to refer to ESR as AGB or “Arrogant Gas Baron.” The man’ s flatulence is legendary. I honestly believe that given a meal of refried beans and a match, he could reach low earth orbit. If you have to meet with ESR for any reason, arrange for the meeting to be outdoors and try to stay upwind. And his flatulence isn’t limited to his posterior either. Frequently it comes out his mouth or even out of his keyboard. (Those of you who have read “The Cathedral and the Bazaar” or “Meditations of Sudden
Wealth” will know exactly what I’m talking about here.) Additionally, he
is a complete hillbilly. You know, the kind that goes to inner-city computer stores and buys 386s to set up as servers all over his house, with cigarette smoke-stained 14" monitors piled high upon his kitchen table. He has neither grace nor charm and can't last 15 seconds in conversation with educated company without drifting into a tirade on gun rights or the best methods for tanning road kill. Couple the above facts with his ruddy complexion (from drinking Jagermeister like it’s water) and his child-molester mustache and you’ve got the makings of one more person who pisses me off.

Well, that's it for now. Hopefully with these feelings off my chest and into the Open Source community, things will change for the better. I'd like just once to talk to a Linux user or advocate who washes and changes their clothes at least weekly. Until then, I will be rejecting patches from anyone whose grooming standards do not measure up.

Also, I have submitted this to slashdot with the title "A Proposed Remedy Involving Lingering Fud and Organizational Objections to Linux Systems." Be on the lookout for it.

Thank you,
--Linus Torvalds

        Heh..

        Not even 5 minutes into the smegging day, and it's already started. ;)

                                                        BL.

Brad Littlejohn                         | Email:        [email protected]
Unix Systems Administrator,             |           [email protected]
Web + NewsMaster, BOFH.. Smeghead! :)   |   http://www.wizard.com/~tyketto
  PGP: 1024D/E319F0BF 6980 AAD6 7329 E9E6 D569  F620 C819 199A E319 F0BF

5 mins?
In germany ppl fool me since 10 hours :)

;)

Bye
Bye
Niko

Nikolas Zimmermann
[email protected]

So according to the below, Linux development should be considered an environmental hazard? Maybe it is in the best interest of Planet Earth that we should provide some safe place, possibly some South Pacific island, where we could set up a quarrantine camp for hardcore linux developers. All of their needs would be provided for, of course, since it is not their fault they are afflicted with this problem. Someplace near an undersea fiber link would most likely be best since their activities will need to be closely monitored at all times and instant global communication of their "progress" is vital.

Judging from the pasty faces of many Linux developers, sunshine might be the perfect remedy.

I say the UN should get right on this problem straight away!

This is why OpenPGP signatures must be used more often.

Linus Torvalds writes:

Ho, hum. No, he didn't. It's April Wankers^WFools again.

				Regards,

					Richard....
Permanent: [email protected]
Current:   [email protected]

we aussies are supposed to have a good sense of humour :P

j.

"Bobby, jiggle Grandpa's rat so it looks alive, please" -- gary larson

[email protected] (john slee) wrote on 01.04.01 in <[email protected]>:

Yeah, but this one was fairly lame.

MfG Kai

Linus Torvalds wrote:

It's definitely time for you to show up on Saturday Night Live! You are one funny guy. :-)

Happy April Fools Day.

Miles

Linus Torvalds wrote:

Uhm, yeah... I don't know who wrote this, but it came from Washington
state and was written with MS Outlook... Something tells me that this April Fool's joke wasn't Linus'. :-)

Yeah, the quality of these jokes has really gone down hill. Last year we had forged headers and composed with Pine. This year we have someone with a dialup account using Outlook, with all it's ^Os and long lines of text. Bah.

-Chris

Two penguins were walking on an iceberg.  The first penguin said to the
second, "you look like you are wearing a tuxedo."  The second penguin
said, "I might be..."                         --David Lynch, Twin Peaks

Perhaps that was intended as part of the joke . . . .

-b

BZZT, wrong. Headers were forged intentionally to show pine since it is what Linus uses.

I had a joke for this year as well, but I didn't hear back from Linus if that's cool with him to send it to LKML (I suppose I should have asked him earlier than 24hrs) so I did not send it.

For those interested, a rought draft is at

	http://www.eax.com/linux2001/linux2001.txt

Adam
http://www.eax.com      The Supreme Headquarters of the 32 bit registers

You forgot the obligatory Linus Thorvalds reference.

I see you've made no mention of the $17,000,000,000.00 check that you've gotten from MicroSoft, in order to 'further develop' the Linux kernel?

<check the date, dudes>

--
-- John E. Jasen ([email protected])
-- In theory, theory and practise are the same. In practise, they aren't.

I actually agree with most these points,
not.
Many a true word was said in jest :-)

Padraig.

[snip]